What time is the world ending?

I can categorically tell you the time the world will end today. Not based on the bible or the Mayans, not based on the fact that the sun rose yesterday and will rise again tomorrow, but on something much more profound. It’s some of that superfood Inca stuff. Dig?

This has got to be the most ridiculous phrase typed into google. I mean seriously. What time is the world ending tomorrow? I sit looking at my analytics reports and see this show up time and time again. First on May 20th, and now on October 20th. And more lately on December 21st 2012. Well let me be a shining beacon of enlightenment that falls upside your head and tells you.

People searching for “What Time is the World Ending” and ending here

First off, it doesn’t matter. If you’ve procrastinated this long about what to do with your final moments, you’re probably going to have a nap and a snooze and forget to get anything going. If you’re asking the question as you don’t know which series of Lost you’ll have time to watch before the final judgement, then please, just swallow a bottle of paracetemol now. And then hit yourself in the stomach with an anvil so the tablets can get out of the bottle and into your bloodstream.

Secondly, and this really goes back to point one, get a freaking grip. Don’t panic. You’re going to have time for that 12th Bud Light, and to release all of your bears and cougars back into the wild. You’ve plenty of time to go to Moscow and flirt with a tall dark hooker with a machine pistol. Don’t wait until the last minute to live like you’re dying. You’re dying now. You’ve always been dying.  If anything, you should have gotten your mushroom death suit ready years ago so that your mercury amalgam teeth fillings  can at least turn into mushrooms when you expire. Because you will.

I mean really. OK, if you’ve read this so far, here’s the answer. 10:52. I just don’t know if it’s am or pm. Check back at 10:53am and I’ll let you know for sure. For reals.

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