Subaru Brat vs. Prius

Now let me just say that before I do any research on this at all, and having never even driven in a Subaru Brat, I feel sure that a Prius doesn’t make sense over a 2 year ownership period, for someone like me who drives 8000 miles a year in Texas.

Prius new: around $24,000. Let’s assume it actually spits out gas rather than using it, and I sell the gas to my local stolen car shop, and use that to pay for the electricity that it uses. Oh, hang on, that’s right, it’s not a plug in hybrid. So scratch that. Let’s assume I drive it gingerly and garner a full 50 mpg. With gas at an average of $3.50 a gallon, that costs me $560 in gas a year, or $1,120 for two years. Let’s assume it gets free oil changes and doesn’t use tires as it floats on a cloud of smug.

Compare with the 1982 Subaru Brat that I buy for $1,500. I spend another $1,500 keeping it running, and I spend $200 on taxis and Car-2-Go when it breaks down. I drive it off-road at speed and burn rubber around every corner and dirt road, returning just 15 mpg, so that’s $1,866 in gas. Let’s say I also add $200 of tires in the 2 years, as I drive it like a spazzock. I sell it for $1,000 to some redneck at the end of the period. My motoring has cost me $4,066, and has got all the envy and jealousy of my neighbors who have 4 seats inside their cars.

I come to sell the Prius and note that it has low mileage when I come to sell it, achieving a whopping $17,000 in return, since I’m such a good marketer and car slinger. My motoring has cost me $8,120 and I have fit in with my eco-conscious neighbors.

So yes, buy a Subaru Brat 4WD today. Burn your Prius and save the environment *and* your wallet. And let’s not forget. Ronald Reagan had a Brat.

2 thoughts on “Subaru Brat vs. Prius”

  1. ah, floating on a cloud of smug. this is my new all-time favorite expression and i will take it with me everywhere. i think maybe today i’ll take it down to the farmers’ market and, while i’m doing donuts in my new brat on the way over, i’ll swing by and visit the occupy austin people. do you think they float on a cloud of smug?

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