Subaru Brat vs. Prius

Now let me just say that before I do any research on this at all, and having never even driven in a Subaru Brat, I feel sure that a Prius doesn’t make sense over a 2 year ownership period, for someone like me who drives 8000 miles a year in Texas.

Prius new: around $24,000. Let’s assume it actually spits out gas rather than using it, and I sell the gas to my local stolen car shop, and use that to pay for the electricity that it uses. Oh, hang on, that’s right, it’s not a plug in hybrid. So scratch that. Let’s assume I drive it gingerly and garner a full 50 mpg. With gas at an average of $3.50 a gallon, that costs me $560 in gas a year, or $1,120 for two years. Let’s assume it gets free oil changes and doesn’t use tires as it floats on a cloud of smug.

Compare with the 1982 Subaru Brat that I buy for $1,500. I spend another $1,500 keeping it running, and I spend $200 on taxis and Car-2-Go when it breaks down. I drive it off-road at speed and burn rubber around every corner and dirt road, returning just 15 mpg, so that’s $1,866 in gas. Let’s say I also add $200 of tires in the 2 years, as I drive it like a spazzock. I sell it for $1,000 to some redneck at the end of the period. My motoring has cost me $4,066, and has got all the envy and jealousy of my neighbors who have 4 seats inside their cars.

I come to sell the Prius and note that it has low mileage when I come to sell it, achieving a whopping $17,000 in return, since I’m such a good marketer and car slinger. My motoring has cost me $8,120 and I have fit in with my eco-conscious neighbors.

So yes, buy a Subaru Brat 4WD today. Burn your Prius and save the environment *and* your wallet. And let’s not forget. Ronald Reagan had a Brat.