What if I told you that there was a shortcut in the gym – a way to easily add lean muscle mass which would burn off calories and lower your body fat ratio while you were sitting still? What if I told you there was a relatively inexpensive product that was easy to take, had no side effects and allowed you to pack on muscle?
If you had a want, a lust, a desire for such a shortcut, then you’d probably believe me, and want to buy the product in spades. So the magic juice is called Antler Velvet, and yes, that is my hand modeling it in the photo. I’ve been taking it for a week now, and I’m HUGE.
The logic came to me by way of my personal trainer – a man who believes in eating right, working out intensely and consistently. He’s the guy that point out that inconsistency is the only constant in my fitness goals as I bounce between marathon running, kick boxing, weight training, yoga and chocolate eating.
My trainer explained it thus – antlers, deer antlers, are fast growing and get damaged in stag battle. They are made of a fast growing and fast repairing cell structure which has evolved to become dominant in dominant males – the ones with lots of horns. Like tiny coral organisms working (and I can’t resist the phrase) like they were on steroids to populate a reef, the velvetty goodness on the exterior of the antler makes the stag’s battle horns expand at an astonishing rate.
So, naturally – and this takes a bit of a leap of logical faith and some switching of action, activity and species – naturally, when you take antler velvet and squirt it under your tongue 3 times a day, you become invincible and able to regenerate muscle tissue at an astonishing rate. My trainer gave me his stats before and after his 2 week stint of stag swallowing, and it was indeed impressive.
So since I’ve started sub-lingually ingesting the fluff off boy-deer head-racks, I have found myself not needing to have any rest days when I work out. I can quite happily lift weights around in the morning and go kick-box in the evening and wake up the next day not at all sore.
It’s kind of eerie. Knowing that pushing your body to the limits won’t have any repercussions the next day. It makes you want to kick harder, push further, lift more. Which is a good thing.
So what’s the drawback? Sure it’s been banned in the NFL which is as much of an endorsement as I need. The side effects I’ve mnoticed are:
- Sweaty. I’m red faced and dripping in sweat even more than usual. Is this because I’m working out harder, stronger, faster? Or is it that my body is extruding new muscles from the protein forge all the time?
- Sleep – for some reason I slept for 11.5 hours the other night. Again this could be a normal reaction to working out harder. Or it could be the body catching up as it needs to repair so many cells so quickly. Or it could just all be in my head. I did just watch the Limitless movie, and I’m easily suggested to.
- Feeling invincible. Now this isn’t really a drawback until I decide to try to kick a school bus out of my way, in fact it’s quite fun. Mind you, I get the same effect from drinking booze, and am probably more likely to wrestle a rhino when I’m sheet-faced than I am on the velve’. 87 days without alcohol today.
So would I recommend antler velvet? I have to say at this point I would. I should have some stats in a few weeks about how it’s worked out.
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