I vowed sometime in 2000 never to eat at McDonalds again, though I did give Ronald himself a high five again today.
The Lights of Love 5k is a fundraising race in the neighborhood, and given that I haven’t run in 6 months, the prospect of wheezing around the streets of McMuellerLand in front of the neighbors seemed like a champion idea.
Last night I drank all of the remaining Stella Artois in the house, so I had to run sober. The only way I could get my intestinal jollies before the Lights of Love was to microwave and eat five chicken nuggets that were inexplicably in my freezer. Not McDonalds’ I hasten to add – organic ones. I guess I must have fallen for some marketing ploy at the grocery store. As if drinking “organic” lighter fuel is in some way healthier for you than drinking regular lighter fluid.
Nuggets safely snarfed and in my tummy, I wandered over to the start line, and found some hot chocolate on the way. None of this was faintly like the preparation for the last 5k I did, hot on the blistered heels of the 2010 Austin marathon.
Bizarrely though, the results were similar. Despite stopping to chat to neighbors on the porch, and despite stopping for a cup of jingle beer, and despite having done no exercise in the last months save for drinking lager and coke (not at the same time) and eating chocolate (very heavy), I was only 10% slower over the 3.125 mile course.
That extra few minutes could have been easily eaten up by the dodging of people walking their dogs, the stop to say hi to my family and the stopping to chat here and there and ask for margaritas.
You could argue that I was especially fast as I was heartened and encouraged by spectators shouting my name as I ran past them (while I was yelling at them to keep clapping), but I think the results are clear:
Training doesn’t work. Eating chocolate and junk food does. Even if you do both in the half hour before the race.
If you are planning on participating in the 2011 Lights of Love 5k, please get in touch to join the special beer and nuggets training group.