Prague used to be the stag party capital of Europe. It still ranks pretty high.
Discount airlines deliver groups of men and women to the ancient city of Prague. Grinning like idiots, they board the planes wearing team t-shirts declaring things like, “What goes on tour…stays on tour”, “Tania’s titty hen tour 2004”.
Cheap beer and discounted women await them. I haven’t seen any cheap men, but I’ve never been on a hen night, so I don’t know whether they are important to the experience.
My mother decided to blow her 19 year old collection of air miles and bring me to Prague for my birthday, and we are staying in a conveniently situated 4 star hotel by Wenceslas Square. I’m not big into 4 star hotels personally – I can never see the advantage of having the opportunity to pay exorbitant amounts for grim food to be bought to your room. Not unless you’re in Vegas anyway. But the luxury ideal appeals to my mother, so I’m happy to be here.
Next to the hotel is Darling Cabaret. Opposite is Buggy Buggy, and next to that Atlas Cabaret. The posters advertise live shows. The streets build up liveried teams of touts as darkness falls. The gangs wait to pounce on stag parties and part them from their money for some titillation.
I don’t get hassled from the titty-touts while I’m escorting my mother back to the hotel late at night. We weave our way up the square, avoiding pools of debauchery and yelling, past the young girls in their skimpy clothes who wait in doorways. We comment on their clothes, and my mother offers suggested interpretations of what a drunken Czech man yells at one such street worker,
“That sounded like ‘slut’.”
“No, no, no, that’s Czech for Saturday.” I suggest.
Browsing the entertainment sections of the city guides, we politely flick past the sections advertising escort services. “Why waste time going to the nightclub?” jumps out from one page by virtue of the fleshy scene depicted behind the question, “Young girls (18+)”. The city guides have a pub section. And they also have a distinct and lengthy Irish pub section. Will Irish pubs evolve still further in their quest for world abomination? Will there be a Czech Irish pub section in German city guides, offering authentic Czech versions of fake Irish pubs?
Apart from the convenient location next to sleaze and the old town, the K+K Fenix hotel does sport free internet access in the lobby. Given my email addiction, I often leave my mother in the room and peg it down for a quick fix. I tap out a bit of gibberish, then run back to the 5th floor. From my mother’s perspective, all she knows is that we are living in a red light district, her son keeps disappearing and returning a short while later, panting, sweating and with a smile on his face.