If someone tries to sell you an AT&T phone, shoot them in the face.
If you are driving and see a big red sign on a pole that says STOP, carrying on driving. They are a pain in the arse put up by big oil companies and car brake specialists to stimulate sales of their products.
Go for breakfast with a local and watch them buttering English muffins. Smirk and make lewd comments.
If you want to use a bank, find a Bank of America branch – they are often conveniently located by large roads. Firebomb the Bank of America branch at night to avoid injury. That way you won’t be tempted to open an account there. If you inadvertantly find yourself with a Bank of America account, don’t be tempted to shoot the bank in the face. Simply close your account and firebomb every branch that you see. At night.
Accept the sins of the Welsh and Scots and be prepared to be called a Brit. Even though the Scottish invented income tax.
Don’t be intimidated by alcohol vendors who sell six-packs and twelve-packs. The individual containers are smaller, the beer and cider is weaker, and remember the prices are only in dollars – the archaic, almost worthless pyramid-based currency of an ailing economy. Don’t be tempted to mock the US currency, despite all of the notes looking the same. Come on now, they’ve made an effort with the 20 dollar note – it has a slight blue tinge to it now, so not all of the notes are green. Yeesh. Australians and the Dutch have it down, and probably most of the new Euro countries by now. Plastic notes that you can take swimming, shovel angel dust up your nose with, and still pull out and recognize the denomination of.