If you’re one of the 210 people per month who are looking to become a rancher, then look no further, there are three simple steps you can follow to achieve your goals in no time at all.
First, stop googling how to become a rancher. Starting off your search for ranch work by stabbing at your keyboard is not going to cut it. You have to go old school – get the phone book and look up ranches. Then pick up the phone and get to dialing. Learn idioms like “I’m fixing to go to the ranch to see Miss Kitty”. That’ll help break the ice in any phone conversations. Of course, ranching was invented in Spain, and I’m assuming that the reader here is looking for a North American ranch job.
Second, if you’ve not grown up on or in the mud around a ranch, consider trying it for a while before quitting your day job at the accountancy firm. I’m sure you’ve watched that movie where the three city slickers go off into the wilderness to ranch for a bit, I know I haven’t. But I saw trailers for it about 20 years ago, so I figure I know what I’m talking about. The first toe you can dip into the mad cow water is probably the Dude Ranch. If you check out the website you’ll see a photo of a pretty girl on a horse. That’s called marketing. Once you get there you’ll find seven unshowered teenage brothers whose names all rhyme with Hovis waiting to kick dust in your face. No pretty girls on horses for you.
Third, if you haven’t had the urge to change your mind and go off to grow grapes in Tuscany by now, get thee to the Center for Rural Affairs. It’s like the Ashley Maddison for wannabe land-livers. You can be married to the city, but still have a fling with the dirt, and the rural chaps will shoot you straight if you’re serious about a life of calluses and manure.
Ron Malibu has never knowingly been on a ranch, nor had an extra urban affair. He lives in Austin, TX and has never been lynched by rural types.
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