The astute among you may have noticed that I occasionally post something about a reality TV star, or something totally out of character, and mark it with the category trends. This signifies an attempt to tap into the collective conscious of Hamerica by writing an article with a title plucked from google trends. Writing an article about a topic that Americans are looking for.
It’s not just a writing exercise, or a piece of SEO sport. It’s thoroughly depressing, especially if you watch the trends of trends. It’s like surfing through the channels of cable TV and realizing that it’s all reruns of Frazier, sports, reality TV stars in and out of bikinis in hot tubs and the occasional religious wing nut. Cable TV is bad, but watching the search terms shows an even bleaker picture. You realize its mostly sport and TV, but the additional search terms that became popular on Mothers Day 2011 show the shortcomings of a nation.
Yes, 1 in 5 searches was for e-cards. People who had forgotten to send a card. No crime in itself – I’m terrible at remembering special occasions that aren’t my birthday – but really? Couldn’t you pick up the phone rather than send a potted card by email? E cards may have been a novelty in 1999, but now surely everyone just realizes they are a shameful waste of internet. E-cards (or for the classier searcher “free e-cards”) are a way of announcing to the world that you have no imagination. Announcing to the recipient that you forgot about them, and that you are a moron.
So yes America, thanks for cluttering the internet with your meaningless Hallmark slogans and pictures of kittens. One day, one day you’ll realize that bandwidth and storage aren’t free and unlimited like it says on the banner ads. Oh no. When the internet starts groaning and creaking like Highway I35 anywhere near 5pm on a weekday, then you’ll realize that you shouldn’t have sent that retarded e-card.
