Local News

Style: Making four-poster beds from string and aluminium foil is no longer fashionable. Last night residents in Austin tore down their foil creations, and woke very early and confused when the sun arrived this morning.

Boxing: Boxing legend Ron Malibu was spotted leaving an Austin based boxing gym with a smile on his face this afternoon. When questioned, he said that he enoyed being hit in the head, and that boxing was a great sport. He also said that he would be ready for ‘Mean Gene’ next time. Mean Gene, a few inches taller and a hundred pounds heavier than Mr. Malibu was quoted as saying, “That Australian guy from Britain, he should know I’m fixing to spar with him when I raise my gloves like that. He should defend himself.” The gym’s owner, Bruce, claimed that as soon as the English guy learnt not to stop punches with his head, he’d do far better.

Motoring: Austin-based Saabophile Ron Malibu tried to fit a new thermostat today, but was defeated by wrong parts and tight nuts. When approached for an interview, Mr. Malibu was too busy yelling obscenities and shaking his fist at the sky to answer any questions. He was later heard shouting, “I hate tight nuts,” as he clutched his bleeding knuckles. On a brighter note, sources close to Mr. Malibu said that he was pleased to have found out where the defunct turbo in his car was hidden.

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