The (other) most powerful man in the world is visiting Britain. He is being hosted by Tony B. Liar, but is a guest of the head of the United Queendom, the star of stamps and banknotes, King Lizzy Windsor. Mr Bush is staying round her gaff in London.
Over 100,000 protestors are expected to give a lukewarm if not downright chilly reception to Mr Bush tomorrow, according to the Stop The War coalition. One grandmother chained herself to Lizzy Windsor’s front gate to protest yesterday. Today is national naughtiness day, and some pro-hunting supporters are chasing Mr Bush. There are scenes of police and protesters running around London as I type. The additional cost of paying money to policemen to run up and down chasing protesters is 5 million pounds. Many people see Mr Bush’s visit as a bad thing.
I think Mr Bush’s visit is great, here’s why:
- Nobody takes our gracious Queen all that seriously any more, apart from the tourists. I’m sure she’s a reasonable enough woman. In fact I even had lunch with her once (didn’t notice any mini-gun toting helicopters hovering above the heads of me, her, or the other two hundred attendees though). In the last few decades, her family has been getting bad press for being just like millions of other people. Fallible, weak, adulterous, bigotted, and overpaid. I think it’s nice that she’s trying to make new friends, and inviting people over for scones. And it distracts the press from all the other murky goings-on in her family.
- If the police are busy guarding Mr Bush, it gives many other crooks a perfect opportunity to go around stealing cars and breaking into houses. Which indirectly stimulates the economy. Think of all the burglar alarms that might be sold during the aftermath of the crime wave.
- Around 50% of people in the UK don’t think Mr Bush is the second coming of Beelzebub according to recent polls (although we all know that such poll results are made up after questioning six bored students in Loughborough town centre on a rainy afternoon) and his alliance with Mr Blair. It would be hard to get 100,000 people out on the streets of Britain to support Mr Bush, so getting him over here to open a few supermarkets and start some protests in London is a great way to perk up the capital in that boring period between summer and Christmas.
- A million people took to the streets of Britain to stop Britain’s entry into the war earlier in the year. It was a good day out for the family, with free sticks and placards. The best bit was that the rozzers didn’t stop you burning the placards to keep warm when it was going home time. With the music and costumes, it was like Glastonbury with a Tube. It’s not often that you feel part of something approaching a community in London. So marches are good. Pity Mr Bush didn’t come in the summer though. The parks are so much nicer in summer.
- Many British people have always been fascinated by the phrase “Bush Administration”, and would like to see the US approach to topiary in action in London
Incidentally, the powerful woman in the world isn’t messing about with all of this meeting queens and politicians nonsense. She does have a 226 pound snatch to keep her busy though.