World Ending May 21st – 5 Things You’ll Wish You’d Done In Austin

Harold Camping tells us the world is going to end on May 21st this year. Apparently the side-burned religious monkey-man has told us such things before, in an effort to get us to buy Jesus now, in the kind of recurring clearance sale which is trotted out every month at your average high street retailer. And while we’re at it, his name sounds like cockney-rhyming slang for something despicable.

So if the world ends in 11 short days (who knows the exact time the final judgement will arrive – I’m not sure what timezone Harold’s imaginary invisible friend operates from), what should you have done so that you won’t regret not having  done it by then? In Austin.

1. Go to Kat Von D‘s wedding. I presume that the reality TV stars’ wedding is one of the top five things on their list to get knocked out before the big round up, so it’s probably happening soon in Austin, TX. Let’s face it – anyone can get married in LA, but it takes sweat-glands of steel to plan a May wedding in Austin. I know. I’ve had one. In tails. It’s sure to be a fun bash – they’ve each had a few practice weddings and their attendant marriages, so they probably have a good idea about what makes a good wedding/party.
2. Eat all of Mrs. Johnson’s donuts sometime around midnight. Hire the place out with a credit card that you’ll never have to pay off and get everyone on the all-you-can eat donut-a-thon. A moment on the lips – a lifetime on the hips is reduced to 11 days on the hips. Apparently donuts are nice. So go eat a bunch.
3. Hang a VW beetle from the Congress Bridge. Some pranksters did this from the Bay Bridge when I lived in San Francisco, and I amazed at the engineering feat it takes to suspend a car from a bridge when no-one is looking. So you might as well throw one off the bridge here attached to a few parachute cords and see what happens.
4. Dress as a pirate and rent a canoe and paddle around Ladybird Lake harassing watercraft users, for old time’s sake. And because the world will end before the sun burn sets in.
5. Buy a condo at the Austonian. Just to see what it’s like.

What would you do in Austin if you only had 11 days?