You twisted my arm

Now, I’m no Jason Statham, but I sure do like to twist people’s arms. As my good and muscular chum Shannon K says, “Jason Statham is paid to be fit,” meaning that every time he clenches a lat in the gym and pushes aside the pot of vinaigrette from his serving of salad, it’s like a payday advance. And not the chocolate kind.

As for twisting arms, I studied Aikido for several years, primarily due to the skill and good nature of my teacher. One thing I like about the art is that many of the folk who I came into contact (read – got thrown to the floor by) were on the portly side of neutral in the Statham to Kamakawwo’ole scale. Not to insult their stature, more to praise the ability of technique over physique. All powerful people and strong as oxen, don’t get me wrong. They just don’t need to be able to scrub their gi on their washboard abs to achieve success.

This played into a general path of personal expansion. Before Aikido was boxing, a sport so intense that it conveniently blocked out anything else. A bit like drinking. And if you don’t think of drinking as a sport then you have no right to be in the arena, or perhaps have not been at the same bar as some of the drinking hall of famers. The great drinkers whose bodily composition beggars belief. A Long Eaton man called Plonk with four kidneys for example.

In the boxing ring then, there was no room for wondering if I’d left the oven on at home. There was only one place and one time, and it was right then and there. Being in the moment meant not worrying about Jason Statham’s abdominal muscles, instead concentrating on not getting hit. Too much. Though my coach Bruce was fit as a fiddle in his fifties, and certainly not someone to disagree with, he was also constantly having surgery.

My aikido seemed to extol gentle play and show a path to longevity and girth in martial arts.

A friend of mine, a proficient drinker who was known at one point in his life to drink cider from a wok when at home (the wok gets rid of the bubbles to allow swifter consumption) put it this way: at some point in your life it’s worth getting really fit, taking a few photos, and then you can focus on eating yourself big.

I think boxing was that point of fitness for me, and that aikido will be the sport of choice in my heavier years. I should have taken more photos.

If anyone wants to find out more, check out Eric Pearson’s aikido classes. He is also a prolific blogger, and an all round top banana. I’m going to see if I can get there on Monday.

Jason Statham, if you’re reading this, I’m sure you’re thinking to yourself, “Well I’m no Ron Malibu…” but don’t sweat it. If you ever want to guest blog here, just get in touch. And if you want to help me cross the USA in a human powered vehicle, you’re welcome.