In the information age, drink and dial, the process of running up huge phone bills from international calls whose content you can’t recall, has become alcopops and typing. But it’s not a catchy title. Suggestions, or as Neddy would say, “Comment?”

Phrases bouncing around my bonce from their incessant delivery by our beer swilling, toothless and girl gifting, fishing captain: “Hey you. Call de fis”, “Tek it an run.”, “Don’t want small an cleva fis, want him big an hungry.”

Now I know you kids like to tease people about their haircuts. But you have to be original. Best insults appearing soon to herald my new barnet: Terence Trent D’Arby The British Bulldog Bo Derek in Ten Sean Michaels (from certain angles) …