They say you are what you drink, so I’m a bitter man. Well, during lent anyway. This ‘giving up lager for lent’ thing made me a wine, hurricane and B52 man on Saturday too. And a predominantly supine man on Sunday.

on the appointment of Jim Brian to the position of my official drinking coach. He has tutored many celebrities in the ways of drinking, and specialises in both stamina, and sprint training, having great personal successes in the ‘yard of ale’ categories. Under his wings, I feel confident that I can break the three second

Now, exclamation marks are generally considered a bad thing. But there is a time and a place for everything, just ask any canon-firing merkin wearer. Just so with the humble exclamation mark. As the nice lady points out, describing orgasms would be a little lacking without them “Oh yes. Baby. Oh my God. Yes.” etc.