Tokyo is the only place I have ever been where if you stand still looking at a map for more than 30 seconds, someone will come up and try to help you. And not ask you to look at their art exhibition / topless bar / puppies in the woods. People are so polite here. Even the underground ticket machines say thank you as you go through them to leave the station.

If you`re ever stuck feeling ill and sorry for yourself, watch Japanese TV (like Tarrant on TV without the irritating fuckwit presenter). Yesterday, I got to see “Food Battle – King of Masters”. Those boys (and girls) can really eat. I remember being pleased with myself at college when a bunch of us decided to see how fast we could neck 3 pints of booze, and finished in about 90 seconds. These turbo nutters drink ten 180ml bottles of coffee in about 30 seconds. And being Japanese, they do it politely, making sure that one bottle is on the table before picking up the next one. And they don`t seem to belch either.

Which makes me think about all the runners up who don`t get to be on telly, but can drink 1.8 litres of coffee in 40 seconds – all that training, the expense of it all, all horribly wasted. Seeing the acrobats in China brought about similar thoughts. The runner up, who had torn all of her ligaments and muscles, but could still only manage to balance two trays full of glasses on her feet while standing on one hand. Desperatelt jealous of the star performer who could balance a third tray of glasses on her other hand. Makes me weep.