The nervous web meister looks at his log files, and splutters his big slurpo bucket of caffeinated sugar all over his keyboard in disbelief. Surely there must be some mistake – his sites hits have gone up by 3000% in the last 24 hours.
“Arse,” he grumbles, “must have finally turned up in a search engine for something like donkey does dallas on crack.”
He’d learnt that old chestnut from web goddess, who has people turning up at her (largely inoffensive) site searching for things like ‘crisp double breasted gimpwear‘.
He checked his site for any dodgy words in close proximity in any of his articles, coming up with ‘porno goth and crack‘ in one article. He checked google, which left his site in the clear. Apparently he meant pornogothic crack????
So then he figured it must be a conspiracy of all the wronged bike owners who had suffered bike theft between 1990 and 1994. He figured in a rare moment of paranoia that they were all ganging up against him, and were collecting a body of evidence to press charges.
But then he spotted a link to his site on blogger.com under ‘sites of note’. Then he hatched a cunning plan to generate even more traffic by having an article with the words ‘pornogothic’ (he’d learnt a new word and was pleased to be able to use it so soon), ‘crack’, ‘donkey’ and ‘does dallas’ in the same sentence. All he’d have to do is sit back, wait for the search engines to pick up on it and wait for the sickos to start clicking through….
Hang on a minute, I don’t like sickos.