First Against The Wall

I have a long list of people who will be first against the wall come the day of the glorious revolution. I don’t think a revolution is particularly likely at present, so this wall-list is perhaps a place to park some of my rage and resentment.^[I]If you haven’t listened the Santa Claused Faced Old Bleepard Alexei Sayle’s Imaginary Sandwich Bar episode called Rage and Resentment you could do a lot worse than listen to it on BBC … Continue reading

Today’s nominees are not just my mobile phone service provider of some 23 years, but they perhaps inspired me.^[II]I once added up how much I’d paid them and looked at the value and service I received and then tried to fire them – a process that has been underway for some seven months now EeeeeeaaaarrrrrghUselessMuddyFudgers, or EE for short were as helpful as could be today. Yes sir, we can do that for you, just pop into the store. 20 minutes later they decided they couldn’t do it.

EE customer: I’m a long long long time customer^[III]I’d say long suffering, but since I enjoy complaining and I haven’t reached that critical age yet where any UK citizen is supposed to start whining non stop about the NHS and the systems … Continue reading, I have multiple forms of physical ID, I know all the details of my account, and there’s one document that I have an electronic copy of that brings everything you need together.

EE representative: We’ll need you to bring a physical copy of the electronic document in.

EE customer: I don’t have a physical copy. I scanned the physical copy in 2014 and sent a physical copy to you. Look, here’s an electronic copy on my phone.

EE representative: OK. I see. Can you print it and bring it in to a shop?

EE customer: That’s frustrating. Can I print it here?

EE representative: No I’m sorry. You’ll have to bring a paper copy in. Can you bring in the original?

EE customer: I refer you to my previous comment about having sent that in to you and only having an electronic copy scanned. Am I right in thinking that you’ll take an electronic copy of the piece of paper I print out?

EE representative: That’s right, but I need to see the original.

EE customer: So if I print this scanned copy of the document and bring that in to you, that would suffice?

EE representative: Yes. You’ll have to bring a paper copy in.

I have a small window of tolerance these days, and I left the store before I said something that I would regret. And thinking about it, after I put EE to the firing squad after my imaginary revolution, I would pass a law:

It is illegal to ask someone to print something out and bring it in.

Anyone asking you to print something out and bring it in will be shot. It’s not so much that I value trees more than people, I just don’t understand why anyone can think it’s reasonable to ask for an original paper so that they can scan it for their files.

Do they think that something on physical paper isn’t forged? Surely if I can forge it electronically, the only thing the paper version does is prove I’m both adept at forging and I can press print. ^[IV]press print and buy paper and buy ink cartridges, and the latter has actually been more of a challenge than any digital forging ever could be with my slew of Epson ‘printers'

The penalty for asking someone to print a copy of a document so that they can scan it in: six months hard labour planting trees or two months fixing Epson printers.

It’s not just people ^[V]I’m not sure that people at phone shops really count as people. They’re somewhere between estate agents and at EE stores and Angra Mainyu, Zoroastrianism’s answer to satan. I do … Continue reading at phone shops that ask such ridiculous things. I’ve had it from conveyancers. ^[VI]conveyancers are the people who fail to help a real estate sales transaction proceed in the UK, while claiming that they do exactly the opposite and being paid to help you complete them. They live … Continue reading I’ve had it from solicitors, who have presumably had to pass some exams to prove that they have at least some basis in rational thought.

Just say no to printing out scanned documents so that you can scan them in again. It’s just plain wrong you fascist muppet tosspots. And while you’re at it if you can sort out the phone signal in my house, that would be top notch.