I infiltrated the netdecisions summer party in disguise. Well you’d think I did, given that people I’ve worked and played with for four years completely failed to recognise me when they were stood about ten feet away. They assumed that the grinning ginger guy with the silver medal round his neck was part of the crew for the afternoon’s “It’s A Knockout” competition. After a bit of gesticulation, they were forced to give me a second glance, and managed to penetrate my disguise. Apparently I look well, healthy, haired-up, relaxed. This implies that people who see me often at work must see me as miserable, ill and stressed.
The rota of questions that I would soon become very familiar with was unleashed. “When did you get back?”, “Where did you go?”, “Did you enjoy it?”. When you’re a live target on the entrepreneurial firing range in Thailand, where people try to flog you things you never knew you needed, you get used to answering the same questions over and over again – “Waa you flom?”, “Har long you he-ah?”, “Way-uh you staying?”, “Wass your nem?”. I was quite surprised not to find shops which print personalised messages on t-shirts you buy each day, so the fatigued tourist can just point at the required answers. Maybe in two or three languages. But it was kind of odd to experience the same thing in London.
The 2001 It’s a Knockout Silver medal was introduced to the mighty team I joined. Jazz and the Five Dwarves was the team name, and our line up boasted a serious long-distance runner, Lucy, and Chris, an ex-rower who had twice competed in Goldie at the Oxford Cambridge boat race. With five teams, we felt confident that a podium finish was ours. The events were hilarious, with as much foam, water, and falling over as you’d expect. The last game was a riot – it involved negotiating an inflatable tunnel over a ten metre lubricated runway in a relay style. Scott perfected the nipple-perishing superman technique for launching yourself at full pace along the length of the wet tarpaulin, but I wasn’t really up to it. I like my nipples too much.(well maybe not the left one). My first major injury of the day came with a failure to remember which way was ‘right’. On exitting the inflatable tunnel, our team had agreed to pass each others’ relentless headlong progress by veering to the right. Forgetting this as I hurtled headfirst off the runway resulted in a knee to my face that any Muay Thai exponent would be proud of.
But it’s not the pain I remember, just the disappointment of yet another silver medal. Must train harder for next year.