Let Go of Competition, Judgement and Expectation

I’m not a fan of organized religion. It’s not for me. Or disorganized religion for that matter. I like the idea of a philosophy rather than a religion, but for the most part I’m an apatheist. Which brings me to the pie-shaped slice of intrigue which is the title of this post.

For the last month or so, I’ve been attending yoga classes three or four times a week. I wanted to be more calm and compassionate, and I figured that bending over with a few skinny people for an hour here and there would interrupt the daily battle against information overload and give me time to breathe. Along that line of thinking I decided that if I was going to be folding and pressing myself, that I might as well become a yoga instructor. You know, so that I’d be more obliged to turn up and get paid for working out.

What I want though is the yoga without the Sanscrit. Not necessarily that I’m a soul-less heathen who doesn’t appreciate the history of an art-form, more that I don’t think that you need to speak French to enjoy cheese, or to speak German to enjoy Liberty cabbage. What I want is no-nonsense yoga.

And I’m talking the fast food of yoga here – the stuff you get thrown in at 24-Hour fitness, not the stuff you find up a mountain. Yes, I want to be the Hamburglar of McYoga.

I’ll give you an example of what I mean. During a class yesterday, during a dreamy and blissful state, our instructor whispered suggestively, “Let go of competition, judgement and expectation.” I’m sure she means well, bless her. Which is about the worst insult you can level at someone really. But that suggestion piqued my innate desire to contradict everything someone suggests to me.

You see, I thrive on competition. Sure, I can live with as little judgement as the next aspiring middle class person brought up in England can, and I can survive on small doses of expectation. But no competition? Seriously? You’re asking me not to look at the person next to me and try to fold flatter, balance for a longer time or breathe louder than him?

What next – you’ll be suggesting that there isn’t a yoga contest in Austin.

So how do you become a certified yoga trainer? That’s the next question, and  the answer appears to be go to yoga camp! There’s a course that fills the yoga alliance 200 hour requirement put on by yoga yoga which starts this month. I see that on their website, they’ve let go of expectations of getting the dates in the Gregorian calendar right. The course is supposed to start on Friday March 4th 2011, a non-existent date which would have Pope Gregory XIII spinning in his crypt.

Maybe I’ll just do another 10 months of yoga at 15 sessions a month. Maybe watch a few youtube videos on it, and then print my own certificate. That should do it.