If you’re an experienced psychonaut who enjoys getting around the outside of a pscyh-ward hero dose of lysergic acid diethylamide and gate crashing funerals, it might not really matter to you when you’re peaking, but for most transatlantic passengers, planning the timing of your trip in synchronicity with that of the Boeing 777 might make for a more predictable experience.
Things to consider:
- Some people say it’s all about the planning, and despite the best laid plans of giant mouse and egg men, you often find yourself delayed in the airport terminal, or hurtling towards the ground with the pilot inadvertently yelling, “Mayday!” over the public address system. Having a small note that you’ve written to yourself in advance that says “Everything is fine, your safety has been completely planned for. Have faith in your preparations.” may help you in the case of an unplanned stay in a terminal. And try not to think too much about the word “terminal”, that typically doesn’t help.
- Large transportation hubs for any flight connections will have more passengers (which means more muggles to hide behind) and more entertainment. In New York’s JFK, expect 6 foot high touch screen games to play with and endless moving walkways to run up and down. It’s a numbers game, so in a large airport, you have more chance of connecting with like-minded people as you steal a baggage cart and head for the emergency exit murmuring, “the lobsters are coming.”
- It is illegal to have too much fun in the TSA screening zone. Well probably there’s no law against it, but there are definitely guidelines. Thus the staff don’t take kindly to people wearing dark glasses and laughing uncontrollably in the face of their questions.
- You don’t want to inadvertently smuggle anything through security or customs, so it’s best to ingest what you plan on taking with you before you start to get searched. And maybe hide that little reassuring note that you’ve left for yourself in your hand luggage, so you don’t have to explain it to anyone.
So with that in mind, when is the best time to drop acid on a transatlantic plane trip? I firmly believe that leaving it until the moment you reach the front of the security screening area is the optimum time. That means that for the most part, you’ll be through all the searching and prodding by the time you start to feel any of the effects. Which is good if you don’t want to find yourself running with your trousers around your ankles towards Hudson’s News being chased by angry men with TSA badges, gesticulating wildly and yelling that you can feel the X-Rays in your spleen.
That still leaves a good hour before plane boarding, or as it is more widely known, “planing”. So you’re probably going to be pretty fried as you wave your boarding cart at the stewardess and try to assume your appointed seat. At this point, giggling and saying, “Corbin Dallas, multipass” will invariably keep you out of serious harm.
Now, it’s very tempting to pack lots of toys and gizmos for the 6-10 hour flight to keep you entertained when the stench of 600 passengers and their reaction when you nudge them and ask,”can you see flames on the starboard nisele?” have both lost their appeal. But whatever you do, don’t fall into the overhead bin space war for your hand baggage. First, any hand baggage you have may not make it into the bins without seven minutes of fighting with all the other baggage up there, and its owners. Not worth drawing attention to yourself while you’re full on peaking and seeing bats fly out of the air conditioning vents. And then if you do manage to get your trip toys into the over head bins, and you want to access them later, you’ve got to then play the “Simon Says” game with the buckle your seat belt sign and figure out when a good time to get them out is without provoking the ire of the captain and his tyrannical cabin crew with their staunch sarcasm. “Please will all passengers return to their seats while the aircraft is taking off?” never makes you feel good, and really why are they saying all passengers when everyone looking knows they just mean you?
The other advantage of taking your acid before you take off is that you can come down gently as you de-plane and leave the safe and comfortable cocoon of safety behind you as you stop tripping. Most trips with an average Joe dose are concluded by the edges of the Atlantic somewhere, meaning that the relatively mildly altered realty of arriving with no sleep in a new country just about matches up with the expectations of same, and you don’t get any sparkle in your eyes or idea that you really do have many, many things to declare as you walk through customs.