Today’s First World Problems

If I was to follow the self-help guide to satiety and happiness, I’d probably be grateful for lots more things than I typically remember to be thankful for. No longer do I wake up at 5am and let my left and right feet kiss the floor, each saying “thank” and “you” as I pad to ponder the wonders of the world. So here are some of my first world problems that almost crippled my poor brain and resolve today. Ridiculous.

  1. Should I have one can of Strongbow cider. Seriously. Will it make me feel bad in the morning? Can my highly tuned body that is now all prepped and enzymed to run on naught but brown rice, tuna, guacamole, hummus and spinach – can this finely honed machine function with 500ml of Strongbow? Heavens to the 60th Jubilee of Queen Betsy Deux, it’s not even Strongbow Super. I remember the days when the tinned drink that didn’t have “extra”, “super”, “gold”, or “special” was merely for the gradual come down from the habitual Buckfast-infused oblivion I craved.
  2. Is two Mazda Miatas too many? The Miata, or MX-5 for my English brethren, is on my mergers and acquisitions list. If I get two, and don’t ask me why I’m in that unusual purchasing predicament – I blame the internet and poor judgment – how many can I drive at once? Fix at once? With only one car, would I have spare parts? Do you call two MX-5s and MMXX-10?
  3. If I buy a Miata with a broken engine, am I really looking for an all consuming physical project to absorb my excess freneticism (yes – made up word) and extra brain cycles, or am I on the hunt for something cheap that I can learn to drive in? It seems that I really enjoyed driving an Ariel Atom around a track without ever lifting the bonnet. And yes, I know that the engine isn’t under the bonnet – it’s strapped behind you like some kind of jetpack backpack. You know, part of me really hates figuring out how computers work these days. I’m happy to slightly overpay for a computer, have someone install all the nonsense, and then google an issue in an emergency now. In my youth, I bought parts of computers, and plugged them together, phoned up suppliers to ask them why my CPU was making beeping noises, and learned all sort of irrelevant gibberish on the way. I don’t use a Mac yet, I’m just saying that I like driving as much, if not more than tinkering.

So if that’s not biting the hand that feeds, I don’t know what is. Thank you and good night.



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