Disambiguation: This is nothing to do with getting tar stains between your two fingers after smoking too many blunts. This is about using an iPad and an iPhone all day.
I hate the little touchpad mice that they have on laptops. Hate hate hate hate. They smooth my fingers, and if there’s something a man like me doesn’t want, it’s soft, smooth finger tips. The Sony Vaio I have escapes much of my wrath by having a nobbled touchpad. So that I can feel my finger moving against the grain of something. It toughens my fingerprint, and makes me feel alive.
Enter the iPad into my life in 2010. It’s a big shiny flat thing that I have to drag my fingers across. I have to stab it with my bludgeoning fingers to coax text out of the onscreen keyboard. Which brings my fingertips into a tingling demise by the end of the day.
Couple that with hours of sliding my digits across the face of my iPhone and my tips are furious at the end of the work week.
Here are three tips to stop your fingers trying to divorce you:
- Stop using iPads and iPhones. I’m kind of hooked now, so that’s not going to work for me. But don’t you get sucked in. If you don’t own one, don’t get one.
- Attach a stylus to your forehead and bob your head up and down to type on your touchscreen device. Imagine your neck muscles after a week of that.
- Do a Nike! Just do it. Get some children from a third world country to type for you. It’s better than making running shoes in factories.
Or I suppose you could buy me an ipad Keyboard.