Television is necessarily evil – a meaningless brain disruption wave designed to preoccupy the viewer, and to distract then from the ultimate meaninglessness of their infinitesimally short existence. That said, I’m about to shoot my casting reel for the History Channel’s Top Shot show.
The show hooked me as it seemed to be the pinnacle of futility, something I stumbled upon during a bout of TV infused illness last month. The show is simple. People shoot at things in a variety of elimination challenges, competing for $100,000. Different dudes, all in tight focus slow motion as casings are ejected from smoking chambers, and targets are rent asunder.
Could there be anything more pointless? There’s no love interest. No personal stories. No bikinis in hot tubs. It’s just manly men, often from a military past (though it’s nice to see the occasional golf instructor or carpet installer featured), pouring hot lead into bales of straw via some orange balloons on the way. The show has no redeeming qualities. It belongs in the trophy cabinet of the nihilist TV viewer.
In other words, it’s inexplicably captivating.
I often claim that it’s better to be on TV than to watch it, so to this end I’m working on my application to appear in the Top Shot show. I’m working on my on screen persona – they have a clause in the application that you’re not allowed to be bat-shit crazy or have recently shot at planes or stolen a gun from a peace officer – so the drug addled AK47-toting loon is out. Which pretty much leaves the butch stoic or the flamboyant Vegas gangster / gangster rapper. Or maybe a character from GTA Vice City.
Who would you be in your Top Shot demo reel?
I need to get some range time at Red’s Indoor Range next week.
Edit – here’s what I came up with at short notice: