It’s good to get out of London, and Venice is not the open sewer that I was warned about. It’s a unique place, and this is a unique experience. I was made “an offer I can’t refuse” by a southern Italian reader – being hosted in a house next to the famous Piazza San Marco in Venice. I could take a nice decompression stop with my number one fan. It was a stormy night as I landed in Venice – and as I met my host, the charming Monica, lightning lit up the ancient skyline. Peels of thunder resounded in the piazza as we walked to the house. It would have made a good film scene.
I lay awake at night on my bed in a room with no door. Every few minutes, a flash of light from the storm outside would illuminate the room through small gaps in the shutters on the upstairs windows. The downstairs windows were caged with hefty iron bars. The front door was a thick wooden affair, with a lock that would be appropriate to crush any hope of escape that a prisoner in a 15th Century dungeon might have had. The shutters on the upstairs windows were firmly padlocked. At any moment, I expected the silhouette of Monica carrying a sledgehammer to be framed against the storm, as she made her way to smash my ankles. I would be imprisoned and helpless then, with no-one knowing where I was. Totally at the mercy of my number one fan, forced to write love stories under heavy sedation.
This isn’t Stevie King’s “Misery” though. I can still walk after 36 hours, and have even been given freedom to walk outside. It’s quite pleasant. I haven’t found any dingy drinking holes yet though so I may have to recourse to an airport purchase – “Vladivar’s Vacation Vodka”. Who calls their vodka “vacation vodka”? That’s about as warped as “cooking lager” being an actual brand at the local supermarket, or buying smack as a “lifestyle drug.”, ecstacy as a “long-term personality disorder drug.” Regardless, this free-loading is quite good fun, so if you want me to turn up and look after your house, or the house of a family friend, drop me a line, and I’ll being some vacation vodka.