Top tip for the full english breakfast lover on Uxbridge Road: unless you are a member of the BNP, have a soft spot for QPR posters, or are staggering out of the Queen Victoria pub opposite, don’t eat at the Adelaide Cafe on Adelaide Grove. Firstly, there are no chips on the premises. Secondly the food isn’t quite up to scratch – the fried eggs paddle in grease rather than swim, the large sausage is spiced more than usual to disguise the origins of the feculent beast rind, and the bacon is undercooked. Thirdly, the ogre-like monster on the next table sporting a silver ring depicting seven skulls looks at you kind of funny as you try to prize your cutlery from the curiously sticky table. Go to Mar Mar Cafe.