EatMeNot Patches
Tired of New Year resolutions petering out before the end of January?
Desperate to shift that Yuletide girth, and shed those pounds?
Hey – I know you’ve tried crash diets, magazine workouts. I know you’ve joined clubs, but let’s face it: food is too nice. So allow me to introduce the revolutionary development from Ron Malibu Labs:
It’s exactly like a topical nicotine patch – which tests have scientifically proven can help reduce the number of cigarettes you need to get you through the day. Only with food. There are two variants, depending on the results you want to be enjoying in less than seven days, guaranteed.
EatMeNot Foodfree – this is the starter patch, which decreases your appetite by slowly releasing a blend of sugar and harmless herbal narcotics through the skin
EatMeNot Ferocious – this is for people who want the most out of their January weightloss regime. Through a combination of slow release amphetamines and nutrients, you’ll be teeth-grinding your way through those pounds, and subconsciously tapping your feet until those thighs are like tensed steel. And with some users experiencing rhythmic abdominal convulsions, they can get those washboard abs they’ve only seen on television
We all know that nicotine patches release you from a cycle of cigarette dependency, and wean you onto patches. EatMeNot is the same. Give up eating and feeling slothful, and just slap on an EatMeNot patch today – remember the sooner you start, the richer we get.
PickMeUpSlapMe
Headache? Tired? Hangover? Don’t fancy going to work? Try PickMeUpSlapMe – the analgesic coffee from Ron Malibu Labs.