Simple. Take half a pint of vodka, about 40mg of Valium (available in the UK by telling any GP you are afraid of flying – you don’t even need a flight ticket), 100mg of Dramamine (available in airport shopping to combat travel sickness), and as many melatonin tablets as you feel you can live through (available in US airports to counter the effects of jetlag), and half a pint of ginger ale or mixer of choice.
Add mixer to booze in pint glass, place by side of bed. Put concoction of pills down your neck, and slurp back cocktail. Lie down. Fret awhile that nothing is happening.
Awake sixteen hours later, and try to move. Relax, with a strange floaty sensation that not being able to move is okay. Awake two hours later. Succeed in sitting up.
Get out of bed two hours later. Exercise. Hallucinate mildly – try to ignore the little embers of ash flying at your eyes, they’re not really there.