Vladimir Putin was actually following me around Russia. Really. I just managed to get out of Irkutsk in time, before he checked into the hotel that I mysteriously found myself in after a night on the Vladivostocks. Every man who has a car in Russia is in fact a taxi driver, waiting to pick up tourists and locals alike, deliver them somewhere (with minimal use of first gear of course) and charge them a random amount of Roobliee-eees. But this is illegal, and don’t start on that ‘black market is in fact just another market, and the law is questionable in a decaying nation with insufficient capacity to maintain any real form of social welfare’ nonsense. I’m talking illegal as in the Feds would catch a would-be taxi driver and extort money out of him. Proper illegal like.

Anyway, Putin is only going to rock up in Irkutsk, in my hotel, after he lines the whole cotton picking square with Rozzers. Which makes it a challenge for me to commandeer a ‘taxi’ to drive me to the train station in gears two, three and possibly four. Anyway, I’m hip to his game, and make a run for a car, and we lurch off in second at no great pace at all, but evade low speed pursuit. All I’m saying is that if he tries any more stunts like that, his so-called government better watch out.

“What are you on about?” I hear you ask. All I can say is that it was pointed out that there is an extradition treaty between the UK and Thailand. And I really wish I had at least made an effort to get some sleep last night.