Diet to date: things on menus with pictures + things so short I can pronounce them. ( e.g. a particular kind of hot dog that has crispy stuff and gerkins balanced precariously on the top)
Today’s run in with the food police involved a gargantuan struggle with a ‘no pictures’ cafe menu looking for any word that I recognised. The Cyrillic alphabet is taking me ages to get used to. And I’m a stubborn arse at times. I was determined not to repeat my ‘point and guess lucky dip food episode from St. Petersburg. 4 minutes in to the tussle, I had spotted a set of salads, but there was going to be no rabbit-food for this Ginger Khan. After about 15 minutes and a sheepish order of fanta, I spotted a word that was in my crappy Berlitz phrase book. It was beer. Hurrah. So which of these sections corresponds to food, the lovely looking dumplings that other Siberian warriors seemed to get delivered. I finally found dumplings hidden in a few other words. But what else? 20 teeth grindingly infuriating minutes into the battle, I went for a new tactic. A rash move involving spotting unusual looking letters in the ‘cooking styles’ section of the phrase book, and then find them on the menu. I went for the ‘eff’ symbol as a last resort. And got ‘stuffed’. So it was xjxjxjxjxjkxjxj ‘stuffed’ zvxvxc. OK. So what is the zvxvxc bit that it’s stuffed with? Hmm. Looks like ‘ess’, ‘pee’, ‘eeee’, ‘are’, ’emm’. Sperm. Nice. By this time I was thoroughly hacked off with the whole affair.
A bit of pointing at the dumplings and the xjxjxjxjxjxjjjkkx stuffed with sperm later, I was finally fed. Sperm turned out to be cheese. No idea what part of the dog went into the xjxjxjxjxjxjjjkkx that surrounded it though. Nice.