So no sooner have I emptied my garage of the London Taxi than I suddenly have an inkling to own a fire truck. Don’t ask why. I mean, I used to like “The Big Red Machine” when I used to watch WWE wrestling, and I am a terrible show off, so between the two things, it’s only natural to want a vast vehicle that takes up a huge amount of space and is impractical to own (e.g. a London cab with no AC in Texas).
As my investigations into fire engine ownership expand, here are some pitfalls I’ve already pit fallen into. If you’re in the same boat of fire truck desire, please learn from my mistakes.
1. Don’t use craigslist. There are many things that the list of Craig is useful for – hooking up with felching sailors in bathrooms, selling Subaru Brats, complaining about women and so forth. Buying fire trucks isn’t one of them. Instead, head over to govdeals.com. All you need is a cell phone and an email address and you can register to buy all manner of used hoopla from Uncle Sam’s regional cousins.
2. Don’t do it without a fireman. There are many of them, and they work odd shifts which means they’re often free for days at a time. And they know all about their trucks. They know that you need a special CDL to drive them. They know what pump duty means. And they probably know that tires are $500 a pop, so don’t pop them. Also, they’ll remind you of the price of diesel, and the distance to the auction location, and might even help you with the math for figuring out that half the cost of the truck might be driving it home.
3. Get storage lined up before you start bidding. Sounds kind of obvious, but you might not be able to park it in your garage, unless you’re John Travolta and your jumbo is overseas.
4. Go for pumps over ladders. Me, I’m excited by ladders that would allow me to shoot photos from unusual vantage points. Everyone else wants water squirted all over. I still haven’t figured out where you get the water from – I guess you could suck it up from a river when no-one is looking. I doubt people would look kindly on you if you filled up at the nearest hydrant, and you probably need a funny spanner to do so.
So I’m into the process now, and on the hunt for a good truck. Many seem to be used once a year in parades, and I doubt would make it the 1000 miles back to my house from the auctions. They seem to have incredibly low mileage (10,000 miles in 30 years seems like perhaps it was owned by an old lady who only took it to the shops to buy catfood once a month), and I believe it’s hours more than miles that are important. When I get one, you’ll be the first to know.