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Lindsey Lohan Goes To Jail

Four months in jail and nine work weeks of community service was apparently not enough for Lindsay Lohan. While on parole she landed herself in hot water when being kicked out of one of the community service internships. Apparently that meant she violated parole, so a judge in LA had the option of putting her in jail this morning.

Lohan JailThe judge claimed that Lindsay didn’t belong in a jail full of felons at the 10am hearing, which was her get out of jail free card. What the French? So who does belong in a jail full of felons? A felon intern? Someone wanting to be more felonious but lacking a network of mentors and study groups with which to hone their skills?

If she doesn’t belong in jail, she certainly belongs in the morgue. Not my words – she has 120 of her 360 community service hours scheduled to work at a dead person freezer department. Apparently she doesn’t get to make out with dead people, she just gets to clean toilets, sweep hallways and clean windows. I wonder if spending 3 work weeks at a morgue helps a world view shift. I think being faced with death would certainly give me a different take on life. Not that I ever completed the “write your own obituary” exercise at writing camp. I just imagine it would.

While not a morgue, the closest thing I can think of is the landfill. I know that emptying junk directly into one of Austin’s commercial landfills gave me a precious respect for trash. I was standing at the emptying station thinking about how much I could reuse – from lumber to furniture. I even bought my wife an electric scooter that one of the landfillers had grabbed out to place in the shanty-town resale section near the exit. My wife was not all that impressed, but I gave the little two wheeled vehicle a temporary reprieve from decomposing slowly underground. (Yes I bought a 600W motor and bigger controller and made the little thing quite dangerous. Very hard to keep both wheels on the ground under acceleration).

And what does this have to do with Lohan? Maybe the judge is just a landfill scavenger – giving her a second change to stay out of the landfill. Maybe an optimistic young dumper will take a shine to her and take her away from all of this. I’m sure she’d do well with a bit of spit and polish.

Rather than ending on a pseudo-poignant point, I’ll venture something else – if she stays out of jail long enough, I hear that she’s playing Amy Winehouse in a movie about the late singer’s life. It’s being produced by Shaun Ryder and the director is as yet unveiled.

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