What a Guy

I was packing my accumulation of materials together so that I could move out of my house today. Guy, my gun-toting, soon-to-be-ex-room-mate strode in with a friend. He introduced the friend as his future room-mate and I toyed with the idea of telling future room-mate that Guy hadn’t shot anybody in the house at all in the last ten weeks. Future room-mate would surely be pleased. I decided not to spoil the surprise, and heard future room-mate saying things like, “Do you keep a round in the chamber, dude?” from the depths of Guy’s room.

Many hours later I returned home to find future room-mate demonstrating how to strip an AR15. Future room-mate used to be in the US Army. He told stories of how LSD became the weapon of choice in a force in which soldiers would be routinely tested for drugs like marijuana and cocaine in the early nineties. Soldiers were not screened for LSD. Future room-mate went on to explain that after taking LSD on one occasion, he had to report to the firing range. He heard the rattle of a three round burst before the order to fire had been given. He turned to see one of his fellow soldiers who had put the end of his weapon of choice against the roof of his mouth and fired into the inside of his kevlar helmet.

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