Ron's Nightclub Tips

After frenetic dance expositions, avoid comfortable looking sofas in nightclubs.

A vigorous dance display might have impressed the locals with dervish-like whirling and a few minutes of paraplegic epileptic impressions in the dance arena, but don’t forget that the alcopops and wine may have messed with your blood sugar levels. Shortly after collapsing into the voluptuous embrace of a velveteen sofa, your body may shut itself down and try to enter a coma. Later still, you may find yourself waking from your spread-eagled slumber on the comfy sofa after one of your friends has thrown something at your family jewels to wake you up. Being artificially aroused from your impromptu disco hibernation will leave you feeling like the infamous Nottingham Squirrel-bear with a sore head, and lead to hours of whinging, complaining, and testicle rubbing.

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