Winning the Batmobile at Auction

When I woke up on Saturday, I had no idea I would have the chance to buy the Batmobile – I was supposed to be at a wedding in Waco. Click on Ori’s photos below to see it in large technicolor glory. My excuses are that I had little sleep (which is why I couldn’t stomach the drive to and from Waco) and plenty of sun on my neck.

There was a white automatic Austin FX4 D for sale on Saturday at an auction in somewhat rural Bastrop, TX, which was my motivation to go. I didn’t have a value in mind for the Batmobile, assuming it was out of my reach. My companion, videographer, mobile Kelley Blue Book and photographer Ori thought upwards of $6000 would be likely.

So when the bidding started slowly at $1500, I couldn’t help but decide that buying a Batmobile was something that every man should do once in his life. I’d already lost the taxi auction to a young chap named Seth. It was to be his first car, and since I already have an Austin FX4 it only seemed fair to share the trials and tribulations of vintage car ownership. And besides, where would I park another taxi?

Of course, the Batmobile is about 10 feet longer than the taxi and has no roof, but it’s got black and yellow seats and flame throwers. And also a strange seat on the front left fender, which I guess would be used to mount Miss Bastrop 1966 out of harm’s way.

The bidding slowly progressed and I waited a while, shocked that no-one was diving in. Maybe there was just a lack of interest in a 1957 Chrysler from the assembled country-folk. Bolstered by my army surplus tactical shorts, I quickly came up with a plan. It was simple. Bid at the last minute. Explain to my wife and neighbors that I needed a Batmobile as a business car. Park it on the street outside someone else’s house. Declare victory – which you can see me doing in 5 seconds at the end of this batmobile auction video.

And stone the crows, it worked. A Batmobile for $1900? Who knew? No-one could tell me that I was crazy with a price like that. As the auctioneer suggested amid his virtually constant stream bibbly-bibbly-bibbly, “It would be worth that just to have”. I think I might steal that line. Who doesn’t feel better about buying something at a price that it would be worth just to have?

The auctioneer had goaders in the crowd. Men in uniform that point and raise eyebrows at bidders and wave their arms to get us rubes into a buying frenzy. The uniform is simple – mostly a t-shirt with “Billy Bob’s Auctioneers” written on it, some kind of unusual facial hair and maybe a bandage on the forehead. It was worth it just to bid – to have those guys gesticulate at you, and give you the kind of look a man at the church disco might give if he wanted you to go strut with him on the dance floor.

Someone else had the same idea as me, and ultimately paid more than I was prepared to. I still won though, and I rationalize it thus:

1. I had about 38 seconds of imagining I was going to win the Batmobile. Priceless. I already imagined taking it into parades, my kids being thoroughly embarrassed when they were old enough to realize what was going on, and just the idea of cruising around the neighborhood in it. Imagination is a powerful thing. Yes, the Batmobile was going to be my ticket to parties, my entry into the upper echelons of Austin society. For that 38 seconds, I was a demi-god in my own mind, the same way you feel when you buy the lottery ticket, and before the silver scratches reveal your folly.
2. I didn’t pay more than I wanted to. Not that I had a value in mind
3. I didn’t actually have to find a place for the black and yellow behemoth. Which come to think of it are bee colors, not bat colors.
4. So I didn’t have to suffer the injustice of being mis-labeled “bee man”. Having built an ant art-car and had it called a spider (count the legs, dummy) I know all about that sting.
5. Not buying the Batmobile or the taxi allowed me to focus on winning something later. And I was desperate to win something. Anything. Something that I hadn’t even looked at before I bid on it. A 1982 Subaru Brat – the only pickup truck that comes with two jump seats in the bed. And I do have two kids.

So yes, I didn’t technically win the Batmobile, but I got closer than most of you reading out there, and it didn’t cost me a dime. Now that’s winning without the tiger’s blood. Check out the video below to see the goaders and hear the auctioneer’s bibbling.