"Are you going travelling?"

Get stuffed – don’t be so offensive. It’s a bit like asking if you enjoy getting drunk and driving cars through school playgrounds – something that was socially acceptable to your parents’ generation, but not to your own. Don’t drink and drive (even if it is fun), and don’t go travelling. Travelling is whack.

“But I thought you were going to Central America? Where are you going?”

All over. Anywhere. Everywhere. I’ll follow people who look like they’re having fun. Discretely from ten paces. I’ll sit in sunglasses at the back of the bus as it crosses the border as I follow them to the place with the most fun to be had.

“Isn’t that travelling?”

I’d rather be accused of stalking. It’s just being. You should try it some time.

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