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Dieting the Tokyo way

Cosmopolitan Diet of the Decade: First of all, scrap exercise – aerobic and anaerobic. Best achieved by confinement in small spaces, e.g. train cabins, planes, Tokyo capsule hotels. Second, scrap protein, or meat at least. Aim for a high ratio of carbs to fats, but don`t say no if offered lumps of pig fat. Constant alcohol consumption can help raise your carb quota. Third, try to take a course of anti-diarhhoea tablets for several days, to avoid any weight loss. Within a month, you are guaranteed a paunch, a pot belly, and the inability to walk up stairs. And did I see Britney Spears on the cover of Cosmo in China? What`s cosmopolitan about that lump of processed trailer park trash?

Top Tip of the Day: However flashy a video game appears in a Tokyo arcade, don`t be tempted to play. As soon as someone spots a gaijin playing, they`ll join in and kick your butt into the middle of next Tuesday with a secret character wearing a nappy.

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